#amd i currently do not want to. but i also dont want to try to think of 40 questions tk ask someome else so they can talk about themselves
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I think one of my maon problems with people right now is I dont have the energy or ability to get to know new people. I need someone i already know to step up and fulfill some of my social needs, but no one I know wants to do that. either they have lives now and i'd disrupt it, or one or both of us changed too much and we won't get along now since we haven't talked in ober a decade. or they don't live near me anymore. or some other reasons. it makes me have bo choice but to find new people. but I cannot. for many reasons. and i'm too tired to try anymore. the more I try and the more I think about trying the closer I get to bursting into tears and going into meltdown mode. again.
it's easier and saves energy to already know someone and just go do something without needing to talk first, rather than needing to get to know them and do the small talk or the whole new-person song and dance. after doing all that for a day, i'm too exhausted to continue. it makes my brain shut down and run away and I have to sleep for a week and ignore everyone.
#lee rants#i feel bad for anyone who might have genuinely tried to be my friend and i came off as standoffish or rude or anything else#especially if they also struggle with social stuff. if my needs arent being met i dont have the ability to do much anymore. sorry#i cam only have the same conversation getting to know someone and teach them about myself so many times before i don't want to#amd i currently do not want to. but i also dont want to try to think of 40 questions tk ask someome else so they can talk about themselves#and then expect me to remember it all and also be engaging by saying and asking the right things#i think what i want is NOT TALKING. NO CONVERSATION. too exhausted for that. just want to do thing together#but dont want to herd people like cats and have to lead and plan it all. too exhausted to keep trhing tbat 😭#sighs maybe need to accept my needs will never be met and need to give up and learn to like being alone forever
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dealer!ellie x reader
(head cannons)
based on the song daddy issues by the neighborhood
A/n: Im writing this on my notes app, have never written before but i fear if i don’t write this it will never be written😅 currently going though a situation ship and im very touched starved so that is wear this is coming from‼️
Idc if minors read
please give me feedback even if its not the nicest it is really appreciated!!
TW: erm lesbians, reader having daddy issues, casual by chappell roan mentioned, crying, panic attacks, anxiety, reader sits on ellies lap, weed, lmk if i missed anything!! no use of y/n‼️
Dealer Ellie who met you at a party having panic attack
Dealer Ellie who brought you back to a random couch at the frat party and gave you free weed to calm you down while having a meaningful conversations
Dealer ellie who drove you home and got your phone number
Now anytime you have a panic attack or anything close to one, you call ellie and she comes over with free weed/ holds your hand and comforts you the whole time
“hey pretty girl” “there you go pretty”
when you smoke to much shes there to ground you
“its okay baby i got you, your safe with me”
Soon after you both catch feelings, not telling each other because you don’t want to ruin whats going on.
You call ellie one afternoon asking if she can come over, shes really busy but you dont need to know that and comes over.
you both end up confessing your feelings and make out on the couch, soon you both fall asleep in each others arms
by the end of that night you and ellie are bound by the hip (i think thats how the saying goes?? idk) ellie always with you in someway or some form.
Ellie soon finds out about your attachment issues and fear shes gonna leave you in some way, (hints daddy issues😅) but that fear is soon subsided by ellie and her always with and doting on you
at the beginning of you and ellies relationship, you tried not to get too comfortable but as soon as you do, you are clinging to ellie all the time.
(deals, in classes, restaurants, idk but always touching ellie and ellie always with or touching you in some way)
Getting with ellie didnt stop all your panic attacks or anxiety, when bad panic attacks would happen you would sit on ellies lap with a tv show playing in the background, ellie lighting a blunt, lightly placing it between your lips watching you inhale and exhale
Dealer ellie making that collage dealer bank, would take you shopping all the time.
no matter what your style, hyperfem, on the masculine side, or neither she would spoil the hell out of you.
You and ellie dont have sex untill about a month into the relationship, deciding to take it slow
You and ellie rarely ever got in fights, (you being sensitive also hints daddy issues😅) would cry when ellie raised her voice at you, not trying to be manipulative in the way that anytime you two get in disagreements you cry, but when she would yell, yes.
“ellie that girl was flirting with you i saw it”
“babe no she wasnt”
“ellie please just stop dealing to her”
“babe its my fucking job to deal what do you expect for a dealer in a collage campus not to get hit on?!”
when she heard sniffles her heart immediately dropped realizing that she yelled.
safe to say that girl never got another ounce of weed from ellie again.
i feel like all of ellies past relationships were just “casual” but with you it was very different!
Red wine supernova by chappell roan is definitely her favorite song on rise and fall of a midwest princess (but she relates to casual 😅 the most)
The first time she took you to meet joel you cried bc your dad cut you off once he found out you were gay , and especially not a dad like joel
one time when you amd ellie once woke up early enough to make breakfast before classes, you started a playlist on you phone
Naked in manhattan by chappell roan started playing, you started dancing and ellie soon followed hugging you from behind kissing your neck
Suggestive
at party’s when ellies dealing, you would always be perched on her lap, facing ellie, counting her freckles
Ellie being ellie is horny when shes high, you being you are emotional when high but that doesnt stop yall from having heated moments when both of yall are high.
i feel like ellie would have Lunch by billie eilish playing when shes high and that always leads to a long (fun) night
thanks for reading dykes‼️
#ellie x reader#dealer!ellie#ellie williams#ellie willams x reader#ellie tlou#ellie x you#Spotify#mean!ellie x reader#ellie the last of us#ellie x reader fluff
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theres.. gatekeeping in the objectum community?? HUH?????? why do all the weirdo communities have infighting(?) like alterhumans/therians too over physical nonhumans and such, like DUDE can we just be nice please. also is it just me or do dnis just seem kinda,, sucky. like they dont do anything and i feel like if someone has moral ocd or something that might not.. be good 4 them? (i dont have ocd or know anyone who does but from what ive heard, i may be wrong so correct me if so) curious ur opinion :3
Oh yes, do i have an opinion!
yeah, there is gatekeeping, if you can believe it. i figured the Last place that would have infighting is the place where freaks post about wanting to fuck an AMD Radeon RX 580 8GB Sapphire Nitro+ Special Edition (rightfully so, that thing is attractive).
wait until you see what they say about being "REALLY objectum and not like those Other Fakers who wouldn't Actually fuck their object of attraction" -- a barf mentality to have. especially because there seems to be the idea that all objectums are posic or even capable of loving their OoA period--i'm not posic (it's complicated, ask about it) and conceptum people exist! the superiority complex is just.......................... wow.
really i don't get it either. if you try to explain to a "normal" person that you think Objecthead is Hot they're going to look at you with the most disgust and disdain they can muster. when society can't even handle a furry of all things, i highly doubt they can handle more obscure freaks like toaster-fuckers or god forbid, People Who Think Vox (Hazbin Hotel) Is Hot. mind you this is the same society that went insane over people wanting to fuck bill cipher or mettaton's box form or SANS THE SKELETON (i was that kind of person, i should know how they treated us.)
and i guess it is kind of different when you're speaking about fictional characters vs Actual real life objects. but like... do you think the disgust is any different? do you think they care if you want to fuck sans, or Foxy Fnaf 1, or edgar electric dreams, or an anthro rabbit, or an mlp plush, or an inflatable doll, or my boyfriend the AT&T Unix PC (1985)? it comes from the same place: perceived sexual deviance. also see homophobia and anti-kink arguments, etc. you get it.
if you're noticing parallels between the infighting in these communities (objectum, self-ship, kinmunities) and with what other minorities go through, such as the Ace Discourse of 2018, or the whole pan exclusionism making its waves again, or the current hot topic "are intersex people queer" thing, or the existence of "cripplepunks"... yeah. that's exactly it. It's all the same argument over and over again. take it from someone who's been surrounded by it for an entire fucking decade. Cishet purtian society has instilled those problems in us. Again, see: same picture. it's kinda why i left system & kin spaces in the first place, honestly. to see that it's STILL HERE is just.... makes me want to die again.
i could go on about how that behavior stems from wanting to protect their spaces, and also from a sense of superiority because these outsiders cannot Possibly Image what it's like to be xyz (especially when it comes to white people who are just experiencing oppression for the first time--from experience, again, that's something i had to unlearn) but... you get it. These people have lost the plot and want a reason to argue with everyone.
And i'm tired. If you're a freak, you're a freak, and that's good enough for me. really we all experience the same things, we should just kiss.
and as for the second point: yes. you're right. dnis are sucky especially if you have moral ocd. now i don't struggle with moral ocd as much these days but back in the days of yore when we were at peak ocd-"bpd" (avpd) badness, it was gruesome.
red in particular was the one to make us fully switch over from anti-ship to "do whatever you want" and that's because he was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts *and* exotrauma. he was already going through all that, trying to process and realize that his thoughts didn't make him a bad person, and you know what made it worse? the whole "FREAKS DNI I WILL KILL YOU WITH A CHAINSAW" thing. imagine trying to realize that your trauma response doesn't make you hilter reincarnate and then having people yelling down your throat that It Does, Actually.
it isn't bad enough that ppl with ocd already obsess over thoughts being equal to actions, and they want to REAFFIRM THAT??? you know, the thing EVERY therapist tells you NOT TO DO?
our ocd back then was so terrible. it was like "you remember that rape that happened to you? ok so now imagine if you were actually satan for wanting it to happen again bc you are btw. you should cut everyone off because of this, clearly you don't deserve humanity." it still lingers around really, just looks different.
i can't imagine what it's like for someone with it worse than us. i've seen a lot of them talk about how if they can't prove that it is Absolutely 100% Ok To Do Something then they just suffer and don't do it-- which is a general ocd thing, yes (i do that with my fire obsessions) but in the context of social media? where you basically cannot prevent interaction with people who want to burn you at the stake? Eughhhhhhh. le sigh. i don't wish this pain on anyone.
I was actually going to make a post about this (still am) but you've reminded me: from what i can tell from trying to look for objectum blogs to follow, there is a REALLY big overlap between antishippers and objectums? ... WHY?????? Oh, like you're better for wanting to fuck the concept of melancholy, and i'm Evil for my aforementioned FAKE cousinfuckers? Excuse me? bitch we are the same!!!!!!! get a grip!!!!!! why do you tell ME to go to therapy? yours aint real either! i can only laugh, really. that's how stupid it is.
side tangent here (this whole post is) but even without ocd it's like... you know that won't stop anyone, right? i can just. follow your blog. you probably won't even notice. Shit, i check our followers constantly and absolutely notice when someone breaks my (or their own!) dni and half the time i just let them be unless they're a total cunt about it. Anti wants to follow me? Hey, don't say i didn't warn you when i post about my favorite cousinfuckers. that's a you problem! you should read better!
i get the convenience of saying "don't follow me if you disagree because i'm trying to prevent drama", but most of the time they don't do that.
moreso i think dnis are supposed to be some Grand Declaration Of Morality. like ew no i would never support those things! so i'm going to Do A Performative, and put the onus on the Big Bad People to not follow me. because i believe in them enough to follow my boundaries!........ right. like a terf/pedo/exclusionist has ever listened to the word "no" before. being in places they don't belong is like, the primary purpose of those people.
but mostly it's a warning. Then they can say that when I, Big Bad Proshipper, follow them by mistake, they can use that as an excuse to post about me and publicly execute me in the Town Square- i mean to their followers.
it's an excuse. that's all it is. an excuse to be like "this is what i support/don't support and if you don't agree with me, oops! i get full reign to cyberbully you." a warning that it will happen, and an excuse for when it does.
I have to wonder how these people deal with community members in real life. I was talking to some people who share my interests irl recently and in the back of my head was the little voice saying, they probably hate me for being into darkfic / objectum / neopronouns / plural / etc. That's how deeply it runs. ughhhh.
Without having a pre-emptive warning to read before talking to someone, you have to actually *try*, and i think that's something these reactionaries both take for granted and uh... aren't too concerned about? which they should be. Like how are you going to deal with getting to know someone only to find out that in their spare time, they get horny for fictional robots? are you going to be normal? or are you going to make it their problem instead? Are you capable of being normal to people? If you got to know me, would you act like the fascists who want us both dead? I hope not. I wish i didn't have to worry about people finding out that i'm objectum / plural / darkfic / etc. I wish that was ok to talk about.
really i don't think dnis help anyone and just perpetrate the idea of being a reactionary. That's all.
Anyway. thanks for the ask. i was having a shit morning so being able to bitch for a while made me feel better. Feel free to let me bitch again.
-cass
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Okay first of all, im defending her because of the content of the fic amd i have personally read it, NOT because she specifically is my friend. And second of all im not asking anyone to become personal friends with authors i didnt even imply that, i mean if ur gonna read an author, looking at gheir page a bit might be helpful but thats optional, now for the last bit if you read the first four paragraphs of a fic and go "oh this isnt for me" then it ISNT for you, dont assume the rest of the fic is bad or it doesnt get better, angst is a genre that exists and it has vsrying levels, just because it isnt for you doesnt mean its disgusting or wrong especially in this context. For example, i like to read angsty fics about dealing with weight issues because of my ed but that doesnt mean its for everyone and it doesnt mean the fic is GLORIFYING anything such as "being skinny" which the fic isnt even about btw
You always go on when people have a counter arguement trying to own them like "oh well this defense train" "oh well your her friend so your biased" i have a working brain dont i ??? I can come to conclusions myself without bias, im coming to you in your asks as a fat person, not as her friend although yes i am going to defend her. If i see bullshit i call it out, if she was in the wrong i wouldve 100% told her that, i think we have talked to each other enough for you to know this about me anyway but all you ever want to do is be in the right about things and blame other people and be self righteous and im kind of sick of defending you for it to my other mutuals but this was definitely the last straw. Slandering people for fics that you personally dislike as opposed to it being ACTUALLY harmful is crossing a pretty big line and this is ridiculous
this entire ask has nothing to do with the previous rant you sent in my inbox or the original anon that was hurt and the subsequent discussions but ok
but since you’re so insistent of me reading the full fic, i did. and i still don’t see how it’s supposed to be an angst fic about overcoming bullying when the entire premise is “i was bullied for being fat, then i lost weight and got really fit and skinny, and now everybody is fawning over me”
this isn’t a “this isn’t for me” reaction, this is a “this is cruel and i feel shitty and ugly reading it” reaction.
from the start, there’s so much emphasis on the contrast between the former self and the better, more attractive and more successful current self. the current self is repeatedly emphasized to be thin and fit.
throughout the entire fic there’s continued references to how attractive both characters are and it’s almost always tied to thinness (eg hoshi’s sharp jaw and muscles)
i understand that maybe this is why you said this is angst about overcoming bullying. but if “overcoming” bullying is you losing a lot of weight and entirely changing your lifestyle and appearance, and “overcoming” is also your former bullies being envious of your success, then that’s a really fucked to message to communicate.
this isn’t a case where writing is bad and i don’t like it, the writing is okay both from a technical standpoint and from a style standpoint. but the content is actively harmful. like, sorry if you can’t see it, or if you think that it’s positive representation of the experience of being bullied. i hope you can overcome that and set healthier expectations.
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it's miel hello how are you doing ? <33 congrats on finishing your internship! 🥳
what are your plans for the weekend ?
btw remember when we were talking about dreams and dream books ? well I had the weirdest dream I can remember 🤣
I dreamed that I was in a house that wasn't mine ( the current house I live in I mean ) and found a tarot deck amd tge first card I saw was 1 of cups. I tried to shuffle the cards and the cards that jumped were the magician, the chariot and I think king of pentacles (??) I tried to find what the mean and the biggest mistake I did was using a phone in my dream 😭😭😭😭 it got ugly not a nightmare but it was unpleasant 😭😭
anyway i tried to Google what meant dreaming of tarot cards and I got a Reddit post saying it might be my subconscious trying to communicate with me (?)
anyway anyway that's all lool I had more dreams but the message is long af 😭😭😭
have a great day and weekend Uki take careee:D 💗💗
HI SWEETU I'm gooddd I have some video editing work which I Don't wanna do but I might as well do it lol and readings and a PAC is planned I just wanna like get the game over bc I've dragged it too long for which I'm sorry fr 😭
And oml?? That's straight up a message aop, magician, chariot and kop are AMAZING cards the message could be that you're like entering a time of financial abundance because you will start either a new job or a new journey where you'll feel more secure, and this will reflect in everything you do with the magician having everything you want like all the resources you could need to make the life you want for yourself, and you will succeed with the chariot! It's literally a symbol of success and victory! And kop usually represents stability and financial abundance and if that's what you're looking for you're golden +++ i also think it's maybe talking about an older man entering your life who could give you a hand with work/business. But this is an AMAZING message your subconscious wants you to be more firm and in control of your conscious thoughts and know how powerful you are that's so cool oml dkkfkrkf
Also I had such a weird dream last night I don't remember much of it but I have sleeping w someone and it kept switching bw my bfs face and like a guys face from long ago like I knew him long ago and . Idk he keeps popping up in my dreams and I HATE IT IDEK WHY PLS HELP SOMEONE 😭😭🙏🏾🙏🏾 I DONT ACTIVELY THINK ABT HIM I PROMISE HE JUST POPS UP RANDOMLY especially when I'm back home
Anyways I hope you're taking care love muah 🩷🩷🩷 have the BEST weekenddd
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I doubt im getting back to normality” any time soon. Oh, Sightly loathing. You are a something to see. It’s being built up again. I suspect another crisis. Im losing count. The jupiter in aqua is an awefull piece of shit as my brother would say. On the positive side of abuse and harrasment. And placement. And despair. Hig ols steliem of demons. Is what the centaurs are. Playing this horrorscope to a T. Destruction. And glee. Glee? Yeah glee. Its the most consistent thing inknow from others. Its just there. And yet not one person. Noy one person had come forward other than yo gleem a peice of info. Like y’all fo here. Looking for something? I got plenty.
Anyway. I was thinking. a or the other way of writting it. And, o, e, c. Probably a dead end. Maybe not. Blind fool. O fool, the E fool and the high priestess. There it is again. And something new. We got two pillars. An innocemt fool amd a “guilty fool. And the Oo death card. Whichbis neat being a card that uses the letters on the card to speak it own play. Its a passage of time. And a glimpse of the future amd the fear ewith death on thr consequences if it isnt speaking something else also. The distant and the present.
The more convinced i become that this card is wuite magical indeed. And a right slection. Whoch was waiting to be plugged in. Wasn’t my choice. Just the body. The things that come to when one is in solitary.
The marseille fool. The current E-fool. Is a negative figure. I preffer the negative figure. It just nakes more sense. Symbolically. I mean you can try and bend the rules all yah want. So that it fixed as a projection. Cant use waites fool. For that. The blind fool is best. Spwaks the same message and then some. Without all the fancy excesorries. They played the marseeille fool on me. Didn’t really fit cause their wrong but. They dont listen
Know what. Im gonna talk openly about my love for jesus. To everyone around me. Would you kiss jesus with the mouth?! Jesus. Come, here. This guy wants a kiss. Yeah thats what inthought shut the fuck yp. The current list of demons” are called pests. Pestilence. Bzz bzz. Go be by myself. They make sure they fallowed me around and rub in how much they enjoy being cunts.
Well lets put the crusofix back on. Since that is my life. And watch all these cunts give me a hard time. Hey look the weather report id wrong. Its usually spot on to thr minute. But not today its raining out. Not cloudy.
Just because i believe in god doesnt mean i have to be polite about. Hlaf the world is busy sucking eachother off, createing single peramt families and being cunts anyway.
The term cocksukr is poli numerous or however its called. If its been seperated into its original
Teo words. Its literally all in the eye of the beholder. People eat cocks all the time. And to be called a sucker. Means what? Point made.
Oh shit! Its a dove. Good. Doves are good. God agrees with me. The problem
With eating a bird. Requires destruction of natural resources.
Alright. Do an std screening and if thats negative get a rectal cancer screening. If i have to wear a diaper for the rest of my life. Im backing out.
Moral of my life. Dont be an incompetant retard and have children.
n dit turns out god was right when the crows warnes mw agaisnt nate on the day he said we would be working together. He’s just another fucktard that wnjoys fucken with people. Though its weird how he mostly just specificcalt warned me about him. Pudgy batman and the neurotic troll too. To anlesser degree and the others.. not muchnof anything. Odd. Probably because the others dont try and hide it.
After this grouo of people messing with me i womder who the next group will be.
Place after place year after year. Since childhood. Born in hell.
Anyway god. Thanks for looking out for me. In this world full of narcissists. Taken joy in ruining my life. But i dont need it. You’re wasting your time. All life is is other people hurting me. Its all its ever been. Father’s a narsicist. He always showed me elation when talking about having the upoer handover someone. The smiles he used to gove me instead of giving me guidance. Like you used to say about Tony’s father. “I used to use as a punchign bag” said it multiple times when a smile on his face. All life is is this. After 30 years. Of constant upgeaval. I dont want to be alive anymore. Sont waste your time on me. Im not surviving much longer.
Inwish i was a narsicist peice of shit too. Maybe id have a life and be a degwbweate fucktard to the rest of humanity toi and have a sens eof acconomishment. Like lak these others. Ive been beaten since i was 13. Dead since i was 13. They’re never going to stop. I dint know what life is not being fucked with. Its always been this way. An dinknow that theyre never going to stop. They take oleasure in it. Over 30 years mu entire life is other people hirting me. So i doesnt matter what i do. Im stuck her essrroinded by criminal assholes. How have been taling my existance since birth. So just go away. And stop trying to help me. I need them gone. Or your efforts are useless they laugh and mock you god. Leave me be. And let me die. I dont want yiur help anymore. Im not allowed to be myself. Surrounded by all these fucken cocksukrs.
I thought about going to go see for soem help for my psychosocial issues. But then i realized that these faucktards have been engeneering me to be this way. Somits pointless cause its not really me. Its them. I wish there was a lesson for me to learn in allnof this. But theres not.after this many years. Theres notheing to learn. Thats isn’t isnt actually the real world. Its a torutee chamber i was born in. And have been a target in sinve birth. Theres nothign to take away from it.
I have a life sentence of being fucked woth foe other reason then being born. Im hoing to start leaving my door unlocked so, y’all can vome in freely and drug up my food again. And do whatever sicknand twisted y’all want to do to me. 39 and i still dont know what havign a sense of securoty feels like. Womder what it feels like being libed and having someone hows got your back. I womder what it feels like not havign an environemnt animinical to uour well being. I wimder what it feels like being a narcissi t peice of shot. Womder whatn it feels like feelig. Rightious while destroying and slowly killing soemones life. Wonder what it feels like havign responsibility for someone else life. Womder what it feels like beign there and supporting someone you know isn’t fucking with uou. Winder ehat life would be like not being raised by enemies. Wo
We what its like not being an object of ridicule. Womder what its like havign i sider i formation on my own life. The world had been plotting agaisnt me sonce i was a child. I wish there was soemthign to learn in life. But, theees not. Ive already learnt wverything 30 years ago. I have a teachers personality. And everyone treats me like im a in now at all bettwr than thou charecter. Its easier to lear. While you teach. To bad being a study means you never learn anything. Eomder what its like not being serroundd by criminals. Havign people, shoving dick and drugs in your face everyday. Been that way since choldhood. Its never going to change.
Hey its my birthday tomorow. Wonder what sick twosted bs their going to gove me. My retarded invred family will
Probably send me money. Ugh. More cash to donate to charity supposed.
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This is so ranty as a first post back and im so sorry---
Tw for bad language
(sorry im on mobile and it wont let me add a keep reading)
(spelling mistakes are because im shaking)
But im sick and stuffed up with some kind of cold
And im not at my best but goddammit im trying to be for my partner because shes worse off than me sickness wise and i have to take care of them while theyre stuck finishing their shift with a fever that could possibly get worse by the hour and no way to take over or help because im too sick to take their shift tomorrow and i want to help but i dont fully know how to take care of her properly with my head all fuzzy
And this fucking dick.
This fucking dick of her moms stupid bastard boyfriend starts yelling stuff over the phone while im fighting off a panic talking to her about what to do, if she can pick us up more medicine after her work tomorrow, if we have any Tylenol to try to bring her fever down if the liquid medicine isnt working and hes yelling shit that he KNOWS and has been told repeatedly makes me amd her severely uncomfortable and im trying to tune him out and then he opens her moms bedroom door(im downstairs scrambling to find the medicine and get my raingear back on because cali is swamped with storms)
And he opens it
Laughing his fucking ass off as he yells down the stairs that i was on speaking and he could hear everything and keeps just fucking laughing as he slams the door back shut
Motherfucker already made passive aggressive accusations at us earlier today about locking him out(the house isnt in the safest area for him to just leave the door fucking unlocked for hours at randoms times of day and night while he goes and fucks around or drinks or whatever the fuck hes doing when he leaves the house)
And now hes laughing when i called her mom desperate for help taking care of her while im also deteriorating.
And i get told he "cares" about us really, he wasnt mocking us really he cares he wants to call my partner( while shes currently IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORK SHIFT) and "make sure shes ok" and that he really DOES care even if it feels weird or uncomfortable when he says it.
....
As im being texted this they seem to forget in the silent living room i can fucking hear their talk come through the closed door and down the stairs
And hes loudly saying hes going to come down and talk to me. He should do that right hes going to go do it now.
I almost broke down from the stress of akl this bullshit right then.
I know im not supposed to hang out at her work(our work we work different shifts at the same establishment) unless its right before close
But i shoved my stuff on and hurried out of the house on the verge of either full panic or tears im too drained to even figure out which
And i ran all the way to work and started breaking down as i gave her more medicine
Ive had it im done
I texted her mother that i cannot believe when he says he cares after his attitude and behavior this past couple days and that im tires of him tryinf to pick fights with us and being a dick to us when were now actively avoiding any interactions with him and their relationship, we want nothing to do with it, we are both sick of it and now neither of us are well enough to deal with it or him any longer
He needs to not call my partner while shes at work
No i refuse to talk to him anymore after this.
I am done and i will not deal with his bullshit anymore.
He can not will not bother my baby boy when he gets off work tonight. She needs as much rest as she can get and the last thing he needs is extra stress piled onto him and make him worse.
We are done.
I am not.
Im not well enough to keep my temper down anymore and i will not stoop to his level and be rude back.
I may be cold and clipped when i dealed with him but that was me being restrained. That was me keeping my distance and being an adult in a unfavorable situation. I was cold and treated him like he is, a stranger that has messed up any chances i gave him. But i was never openly rude.
I am not going to be nice next time.
Im done. Im fucking done.
You want the bitch motherfucker? Youll get the fucking bitch.
Dont ever come near me or my baby again.
If he tries im cutting it at the bud, and im not afraid to burn this bridge
Everyone else in this house except her mother hates you more with every stupid action you decide to do.amd every stupid thing that comes out of your transphobic, idiotic mouth.
Your only ally is the woman you cheated on multiple times and fight with every fucking night
You have no one here you lazy drunken leech.
And when things burn down im going to watch the flames smiling.
I hate being a shitty person. You are the one that brought us to this point.
Theres no one to blame but yourself.
I refuse to talk or interact or even be in the same room as him again. Im done.
Burn in a ditch bitch.
.........
..,..ok ok rant over....time to go draw some homestuck and try to calm down and not cry
Vantas out i guess
#ooc#vantas#vantas speaks#i live i guess#what a way to start the week#tw vent#im so sorry#im probably going to delete this later#i just cant keep this anger in#its bad for my mental health if i do#you can ignore this
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Guess whos back! I will be starting a schedule starting in February. Every Wednesday and Friday I will be doing Drabbles, Requests, and Promps! The Second weekend of the month will be for reposting some of my favs as well as everyone elses! But for tonight I was just in the mode when I came up with this one! Enjoy my loves!
Two Monsters
Characters: Loki, Thor, Clint, Nat, Tony, The avengers.
Warnings: slight violence, battle, fighting, some cussing
Summary: this takes place in the setting of the first Avengers, Loki is here to take over but instead of taking Clint he takes you.
~All Mistakes Are Mine~
Loki MasterList
Sweet Drabbles
"Back up! I said back up!" You yelled thrusting the tip of your knife into the mans throat. You had witnessed everything from the glitch to this man coming out of the cube. He tried shoving your knife away but as that arm fell you came up with the heel of your other hand slamming it into his nose. You shoved the knife aginst his pale skin again this time bringing a drop of blood to the surface.
"My my my you are a brave one arent you?" His eyes raked over your features. "I think you'll do just fine." His hand shot up and gripped your throat, his fingers curled putting just a little bit of pressure before he pulled you closer so that he could whisper something in your ear cauing your whole world to fade to black.
.
"Damn it Fury! He has Y/N. We need to try to get her back." Clint said running after the leather clad man.
"Yeah he also has the Tesseract, amd roght now I can tell you I am more concerned about getting that back than her. And before you can even start your bull shit about your sister Barton think about what she would do." The elevator doors closed between him and Clint before he could even argue about her being the only thing hes got left.
"Ugh! I'll just call Nat myself." He said storming off with his phone to his ear.
.
"If you dont mind, miss? May I have a seat?" A handsome man with an accent asked you from across your table. He had mesmerizing emerald green eyes, jet black hair that was simply pushed behind his ears. He wore a dark green t shirt with dark colored jeans and a gray zip up jacket.
"I..... Um yes...... Please have a seat." You held out your hand. "Y/n."
"Loki." He smiled taking your hand. "Pleasure." He said sitting down.
"Loki? Like the god of mischief? Kinda a unique name but I'll bite. Why did your parents name you that?" You laughed proping your chin in your hand.
He laughed and smiled down at his cup of coffee. "Actually, the one and only god of mischief."
"Your sitting here telling my that you are the real god of mischief?" He bowed his head toward you. "Is that the best pick up line that you have?" You laugh leaning back.
He huffed rolling his eyes and holding out his hand, you stared at it for a moment before tiny fireworks started shooting from his palm. "Loki, God of Mischief." He flashed you a charming smile. You reached down trying to grab the knife that you kept there in case of emergencies. "Your blades not there. Also the one that you normally keep strapped to your anckle, and between your shoulder blades are gone also." He sighed.
"What do you want?" You jumpped up sending your chair flying backwards.
"Simple isnt it? I just want to talk." He threw his hands up looking at you. "We are currently both being brain washed."
.
"Hawk, shes your sister. How are you feeling about all of this?" Tony asked looking over at him.
"With the possibility of her getting hurt? But also getting her back? We should atleast try right?" He stood there woth his arms crossed Nat standing beside him.
"You." Steve looked toward Thor. "Hes your brother. How dangerous is he?"
"Oh. He is quite dangerous." Thor laughed crossing his arms. "But he would never hurt a woman. You, Hawk Boy,"
"Jesus Christ, EYE, HawkEYE." Clint yelled.
"Yes whatever Hawkboy," Clint went for an arrow.
"Not now, his brother has Y/N, after we have her back take it out ofn both of them." Nat grabbed his wrist.
"You said that when she had him pinned he whispered something in her ear and she was completly under his control?" Thor asked deep in thought
"Yeah, but it was weird because everyone else he touched with that spear thing." Thor looked up at his.
"Shes not brainwashed, shes been put under a spell. One of his no doubt, very strong magic but it is magic."
.
"So, hold on, your telling me that you fell off of this giant rainbow bridge, fell through space for however long, and now this guy, Thanos, is brainwashing you? So where the hell do I come in at?" You said falling back aginst your chair, you realize now that it had been transformed into a bigger more comfy chair in front of a fire place.
"Well, Lady Y/n,"
"Just Y/n is fine."
"Your brother and some of his friends have decided to come up with a team, with that team they can defeat Thanos. It was a terrible decision to join him and I have truly regretted it." He stared into the flames of the fire place that had popped up.
"What do you want in return?" He laughed quietly to himself. "Oh come on, there has to be something."
"To be accepted, but alas, I am a monster." He held up his hand to show you it turning blue.
"Your not the only monster then." You smiled at him and you held up your fingers and showed him the flames that you could manifest. "The team that has been created by SHEILD, the Avergers, the dont trust me. They say that without proper training i could destroy cities so until i can get my ability under control im on the back burner." You shrug and stand up. "Kinda funny that two 'monsters' would be drawn to each other."
.
"I swear to god Y/n. You hit me like that again im gonna stab you with your own blade." Clint huffed whipping blood from his mouth as you gave him a evil smile before taking and stabbing your own side.
"Like this Clint?" You laughed pulling the bloody knife out and throwing it at him. It went through his shoulder and stuck into the metal behind him. You grabbed your other blade out and traced it down his throat. "Ya know, I only ever wanted to be accepted. By mom, dad, by you. But you all looked at me like i was a freak. I didnt belong. So i pushed everything down, ignored the fact that i had this power. But now?" Your whole arm burst into flames as you wrapped your fingers around his throat. "Now i am at full power." You got yanked backwards from Clint by Nat before she punched you again then grabbed you around the neck before slamming you to the ground causing your whole world to go black.
Tag List:
@high-functioning-lokipath
@serpentargo
@drbaureid
@poetic-fiasco
@kgirardin
@sophlubbwriting
@supbeeches
@rosaline-black
@jesuswasnotawhiteman
@naterson
@delightfulheartdream
@dryyoursaltyoceantears
@wheredafandomat
@lostgreekgod
#loki laufeyson#loki odinson#loki#loki daily#loki fanfic#loki fanfiction#lokilaufeyson#incorrect loki laufeyson#loki fluff#loki x reader#loki x you#loki (marvel)#loki god of lies#loki god of mischief#loki and reader#avenger loki#clint barton x sister!reader#incorrect clint barton quotes#loki masterlist#fluffy loki#Loki Sweet Drabbles#loki friggason#loki avengers#loki silvertongue#loki marvel#loki mcu
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13 𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖔 𝖇𝖆𝖇𝖞
Summary: you weren’t really sure how it happened, but an average student who wore glasses and spent all her extra time on bookstores and library managed to date your school’s volleyball club setter. On your 3rd year of law school, your ten years anniversary to be exact, he went home from Argentina and it was a week before he was going back, he broke up with you with the reason of he can't handle long-distance relationship anymore despite being at it for two years. You didn’t cry, you stood there as he was sobbing in front of you, you held his face in your palms and offered him a gentle smile, gentle enough to let him know you’ll support him and will always be watching him, together with the child in your stomach right now, but he doesn’t need to know that.
chapter: prev//next
"i'm pregnant"
Oikawa looks back at her like its the most ridiculous thing she has ever said
"that has nothing to do with me, I never touched you" he says and was about to leave when Himari spoke
"yes it does Oikawa, I told the media you're the father"
"ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?!" he was angry now, as much as he wants to strangle the lady , it was below him to hurt women
"what do you expect? The media thinks we're dating" she says, eyes on the ground
"who's the father?" Oikawa asks as he pinches his nose bridge in frustration
"a barista, from Argentina"
"then tell the media that"
"You don't understand-my image Oikawa you gotta help me"
The audacity of this woman never fails to mesmerize him, after all she's done she still has the guts to ask hin for help
"you really had the guts to ask me that when you almost ruined my family huh?"
Himari looks at him with pleading eyes
"look, I'm not going to play as the father of that child, y/n and my twins, it's going to hurt them" he says as he takes a deep breath
"then I'm just going to keep telling the media that you're the father who refuse to take responsibility then"
"you dont wanna play this game with me Himari, for a fully grown adult with a successful modeling career, you're still a child throwing a temper tantrum" and with that he left the house
He was shaking in anger, he needed you to be there with him, he needed you to calm him down
That night Oikawa wenr home to you crying on the couch while the twins were fast asleep
He slowly walks up to you "bubs the rumor- Himari she's- I'm not"
You sush him as you pulled him close and hugged hum tightly
"I know Tooru, you maybe an ass but I know you won't sleep with your ex's cousin" you say in between sniffles, Oikawa chuckles
"especially with someone as ugly as Himari"
The next few days was hell, you couldn't bring yourself to go to work due to the humiliation, you stayed at home watching over the twins
Every single day, Himari would just come out with fabricated receipts and false statement
She even acused you of always trying to steal Oikawa away from her since high school
The comments were tormenting to read, a lot of hateful and death threats on there, it was so disturbing
Oikawa's two week vacation was cut off as he was working with a company to arrange a press conference
The Aoba Josai former volleyball club showed their support, they constantly visited you and the twins especially Maki who had a lot of time on his hands , by now they already know they are Oikawa's sons
His team from Argentina heard about what was happening and some of them decided to fly to Japan to show their support
Iwaizumi and Akira came to your house practically everyday and brings good food
Honestly, you felt quite assured that a lot of people really care for you amd you weren't fighting this battle alone
Your parents even went to the hometown of Himari's parents to talk to them about the situation and they said Himari wouldn't listen to them
After a week of non-stop lies from Himari, it was time for Oikaw to step on the podium in front of flashing cameras
Some of his teammates and coach were there to show support, Iwaizumi, Issei and Maki were also there, they were both holding the twins, which has been the center of the attention for a while now
In the matter of seconds, the press conference has already begun
Akira was with you at home since you couldn't go to the press conference, the media was just going to crush you and your sef confidence was deteriorating because of all the hate you were recieving
"as you all know about the issue between me and model Sato Himari, first thing's first, me and her are not a thing, we are not lovers, we are not exes, I have been single for two years and the last girl I've dated is her cousin l/n y/n, who I'm currently dating again now"
There were a lot of murmurs going around the room but Oikawa was quick to silence them
"Y/n and I have been dating ever since we were in second year of high school, we dated for nine years and broke up two years ago, because of Himari slandering her in front of our head coach and I have proofd for that"
Oikawa clicks the little remote on his hand as the huge projector showed screenshot of Humari's and his Coach's messeges, it also showed a lot of pictures of you and Oikawa from Hugh School, contradicting Himari's statement that you tried to steal him in higgh school
"we are now back together and sharing our lives with our children who are twins Haruto and Hayato"
The press whipped their heads towards the twins who were pointing at Oikawa and giggling, the media awww-ed at the sight
"handsome aren't they? Yeah my lovely girlfriend gave birth to them" of course he was Oikawa
"as for Himari's pregnancy, I am positive that I am not the father of that baby, she told me that herself, if she denies it I'll gladly take a dna test when the baby is born so that I can expose more of her lies"
There were a lot of whispers going around, his teammates, ex-teammates and coach gave him a thumbs up
"I have been talking with my lawyers and I will be taking legal actions regarding this, that is all, thank you"
So I decided to post the last chapter tomorrow because I am going to change it, yes, that's how impulsive my ass is BSBSHSHSH anyways thank you so much to those who supported this until the end, I love y'all💖! Stay safe and happy luvs!
Taglist:
@heiressofdexter @artsamber @seashellmichellee @meri-soni-meri-tamanna @misssugarless @minnieminnie00-got7 @karakento @maizumis @torus-wiife @fiaesco @stormcastello @tintina365 @sakusasimpbot @falconfeather23435 @jojowantstocry @pluviophilefangirl @qualitygiantshoepsychic
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Welcome to my celebration!! I will have this running from today until September 30th(9/16-9/30). And thank you all sooo much for gettinge here! I will try my best to answer ur asks but with school and life in general itll be a bit difficult.
The theme:Books genres!
Here are the asks:
Literary Fiction🍷:Tell me one(1) thing abt the book ur currently reading and i'll tell you one(1) thing abt mine
Mystery🔍:Ask me anything abt myself!(NOTE:I am a minor and therefore will not hesitate to delete and block you if u step over the line)
Thriller😰:Cym,fmk,would you rather etc
Horror😱:Try and guess smth abt me!
Historical📜:Send mw a random picture and i'll give you a random historical figure
Romance💌:Give me a lil bit abt u and i'll ship u with a character(plese specify gender,preference etc and also ask for PJO/HP aas that is all i can do until i get my nav done)
Western🥾:Give me a character and i'll give you a cowboy hat
Bildungsroman👻:Describe a character and i'll give you a Disney movie that i think matches the vibes
Speculative Fiction🤔:Give me a food and i'll give you a food
Science Fiction(Sci-Fi)👽:Give me a ship amd i'll give you an alien
Fantasy🌌:Give my blog an aesthetic(doesnt have to be a mood board)and i'll give ur blog an aesthetic(Moots only!)
Dystopian😶:Go on anon amd pretend to be a character and i'll guess(if ur a moot or want to be a moot,pls give me ur url and an emoji u want to identify urself as)
Magical Realism👸:Tell me a bit abt your comfort character(include name and why they are ur comfort character!) and i'll give you a little song lyric/vice versa if thats what u want(Moots only!)
Realistic Literature😐:Give me a universe and i'll give you am OC + a lil description(yes i have OC's,i just dont talk abt them bc most are still in the process of being drawn)
Again,thank you all soo much! I truely aprpreciate it!!
Tagging moots:
@couldibeanymorechaotic @queen-asteria04 @thepaceperson @toomanynotifications @wolfstar-lb @andromedas-star @moony-likes-hot-choc @just-a-smol-spoon @mira-cant-spell @loonyloopylupin5 @chirons-tail-curlers @acciorxses @fangirl2o20
@supersharkgentlemen
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Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.
I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.
The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.
The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.
The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.
The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.
I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.
Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.
Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.
I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.
Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.
Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.
Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.
Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.
Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.
Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.
Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.
I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.
Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.
This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.
Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.
I understand travis emotion here.
How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???
I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.
Dean you shouldve spoken up there.
Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.
Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.
That poor boy.
The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.
So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.
Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.
I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.
I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.
Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.
I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.
Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.
Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.
Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.
Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.
Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.
I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.
Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.
I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.
Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.
Another healing theo and travis talk.
Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.
Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.
This jack and andy conversation is interesting.
This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.
Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.
It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.
Ben and bailey are so cute.
Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.
Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.
Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.
Too late dean, they tried to tell you.
I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.
Time for the horrible news ugh.
Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.
Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.
Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.
#station 19#marina#maya bishop#carina deluca#maya and carina#maya x carina#andy herrera#robert sullivan#dean miller#ben warren#jack gibson#inara#victoria hughes#travis montgomery#maya and carina station 19#carina x maya#miranda bailey#theo ruiz#emmett dixon
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HELLO LGBTs
DONT YOU THINK ITS TIME FOR A REVOLUTION?
NONE OF THE OBEY ME CHARACTERS ARE CIS BECAUSE I SAID SO, ITS TIME WE START PROJECTING ONTO THEM
•i want to see non binary Satan who couldn’t understand why talking to people was making them angry and started lashing out for seemingly no reason, having to go to Lucifer in a fit of angry tears, desperate for help because it hurts so much, why does it hurt?
•I want to see Beel, who passed so easily, worried his twin would grow to despise him because he never had the same ease transitioning socially, getting called the girly one of the two, always being smaller, weaker next to Beel, and Beel hates it so much, he feels guilty
•I want to see Miku Binder Levi projecting onto fictional characters to avoid thinking about his own problems, wearing baggy clothes and locking himself away, jealous of the other brothers, scared of rejection
•I want gender fluid Asmo, proud of their ability to seemlessly shift between presentations, calling mammon in tears, begging him to come pick her up from this guys house because he’s yelling slurs at asmo, who is sobbing please don’t call me that and they won’t stop
•I want to see the great mammon, who is so confident one day, but the next can’t stand the sight of his body, especially when he shifts and you can see his scars, barley hidden by his jacket, who always feels like his screams are just a little bit too high pitched
•Lucifer, so proud, hurt by memories of before, presenting hyper masc at times, afraid to show any emotions because even though he knows it’s not true, he can’t help but think people will see his as more feminine, and he can’t do that, not again
•I want Belphie, who pretends it doesn’t bother them. ‘Why should I care what some lesser demon thinks of me?’ but is kept awake at night, when everyone else is asleep, no one to help as they spiral in insecurities, their voice echoing in their head, the cruel words twisting, stabbing–
•Lord diavolo, whose parents had been so relieved because ‘that means you can be king– we were so disappointed when you were born female’ and it never sat right with him, even though he’d been lucky enough to transition young
•Maybe even Luke, who only Simeon knows is trans, getting upset when he’s called chihuahua because my voice isn’t that high, is it? But determined to stay closeted and so never being able to tell them why they should stop, and he’s not that small, he’s an average height for boys his age he’s checked, so many times
–But I also want to see sleepovers between the brothers (they agreed it was simpler to keep calling themselves that and that it was better than letting Mammon or Levi pick a new name) where they, just for one night, put aside the bickering and tormenting eachother just to make sure the others are ok, because they all know that they’re struggling in their own ways, and for one night they all sleep in the living room, eating food, watching comfort movies and following whatever self care routine it is that asmo is on currently, everyone gets a face mask, no you can’t opt out lucifer, you’re working too hard again, you’ll get wrinkles and that just won’t do, let us take care of you– and Levi! When was the last time you washed your hair?! That won’t do, come with me, let me do it for you I have these amazing bath salts I just know you’ll love
–I want Diavolo, helping them all transition as quickly and as secretively as possible after he finds out. He wants to be there for them, ever since that night lucifer came out to him, sobbing, pride forgotten because he doesn’t want to be that person anymore. He can’t, he spent too long living that lie for his father, he just wants to be free. Simeon telling him he’s changed and being so proud of him, you look so much more relaxed. Diavolo being so happy to know that lucifer is happier because he struggles to talk about it because Lucifer still believes he‘s wrong or broken in someway, pride too much to overcome, but when it’s just him and diavolo, sometimes he can talk about it, lift a weight off his chest
–I want to see them big eachother up in the way that only siblings can, oi that jacket looks good on ya, can I steal it? I’m gonna get junk food because I deserve it, what do you want? I want them to support eachother on bad days, just silently making them tea when they’ve started into space just a little too long, ruffling their hair on the way out. I want a deal between them to let the others know if something is showing in public, whilst in the house being comfortable enough and trusting eachother enough not to judge because really, they’re all in the same boat here
I can’t be the only one here guys. C’mon. Let make this happen. Tag me. ANYTHING YOU POST I want to see it, I want to see your vent art, I want to hurt with you as you project your troubles, just so that your not alone. @7fckingidiots made a Post Abt the Brothers amd it was my final snapping point, Ive got so many little sketches of Satan, they’ve become my muse for any practice drawings, amd I wanted to say something before but yea, check out their post guys I’ll try Link it. But I mean it, tag me, I want to reblog everything you do, make our own supportive family
#that sounds so cheesy#can we make ‘trans obey me’ a tag?#trans obey me#but I’m serious#i wanna see what you make#i didnt spend 40 minutes venting on main to miss out on anything you guys think#i love you all#make sure to drink some water#stop reading These and look after yourself#trans lives matter and it’s trans awareness week in the UK so let’s fucking GO#anyways the rest is gonna be boring tags so that I can attempt to kickstart the revolution#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me luficer#obey me mammon#obey me levi#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me Beel#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphie#obey me Luke#obey me diavolo#dialuci#obey me simeon#obey me headcanons#obey me shenanigans#lgbt#THI
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Okay so a bit of an update on things, a bit of me calling out a couple asshole anons.
1. The Anons. I have recieved quite a few messages that I never feel deserve the recognition of posting essentially accusing me of making things up for attention, so included in this post is a screenshot of the notes from my most recent doctors visit, specifically the part of the note where the "active problem list" is. This is the list of all of my current diagnosis that we are working on treating, managing or learning to live with. I do not feel I should have even needed to provide this but here it is. If anyome had any questions on that feel free to ask but please don't be an ass, my life is hard enough as is.
Next is Updates,
Uhmm so I have a few things to touch on here.
1. After much discussion with my doctors, my specialists etc. My fears have been confirmed, due to the medical problems I have on top of the cognitive defecits plus the neuropathy eventually, we don't know when, there is no specific time frame, eventually I will go downhill and not come out of it. Pretty much right now I have good days and bad days about half and half but the bad days will start to be more frequent and more severe and then the good days just wont happen anymore.
2.We also talked at length about the bladder issues, I am self cathing multiple times a day still having incontinence, still bedwetting and still with no sensory awareness (This means I cant tell when I have gone) we talked about options and he said we arent there yet but a suprapubic catheter is inevitable and I will be needing one placed down the line. This is a catheter that will be placed in my bladder through my belly opposed to my urethra, meaning I can still be sexually active, Id be at a lower risk for infection, it is a more comfortable option and would mean that I would no lo get be dependent on briefs or dependent on an aid changing my briefs on my bad days. Insurance wants to give pelvic floor therapy a go one more time before they approve the procedure amd my doctor has informed me that once its in goong back to "normal urination" will not be a feesible option meaning once its places it will be permanent and I will be peeing through the tube for the rest of my life.
3. In Occupational therapy last week I was tested for primitive reflexes, primitive reflexes are a reflex developped ineutero that should go away or "integrate" at various stages in the first few years of life. These reflexes should be present in infants but NOT in "neurologically intact adults" 4 of 9 of these reflexes are still present for me, which means that that part of my brain did not develop adequately but this part of the brain is a foundation so when that didnt develop appropriately nothing else did either. Now they could integrate these reflexes which is the goal which will help reduce the physical reflexive response to stimuli BUT the under development to the rest of the brain already happened and can not be corrected. Included is a chart about the reflexes and the signs and consequences that happen in the event that the reflex was retained and not integrated. My Primitive reflexes still present are the Tonic Labrynthe, Moro, Spinal Galant and Palmar Grasp. Apparently retaining these reflexes is not abnormal in people with Autism.
All of this said, I have alot going on, I have a lot of things I am trying to figure out and trying to work on and fix and tons of appointments and follow ups and procedures and I could use some help, I really could. I have a amazon wishlist that essentially consists of cloth and disposable briefs primarily, uhmm we are grying to switch me over to cloth briefs as they are easier on the skin and will be more cost effective in the long term they also feel more natural I feel like but also disposable ones are on the list as they will be necessary to help hold us over till we can get more cloth briefs. Also on the list is some workout clothes items as my doctor and I are trying to increase my daily activity, I have been walking and am getting a YMCA membershio from my insurance next month and I dont have anything to work out in so any help would be great. Thanks in advance.
You can find my wishlist here (:
#ehlers danlos syndrome#hypermobile ehlers danlos#mine#personal#incontinence#me#autism#functional neurological disorder#neurogenic bladder#autistic#seizures#debility#autonomic dysfunction#executive function defecit#primitive reflexes#help#update#medical update
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Love Languages - Straw Hats
Luffy:
• What he needs/responds best to:
I think Luffy would really need to receive gifts. The types of gifts that carry a lot of meaning and are sentimental. We've seen how he treats the Srraw Hat he was gifted by Shanks - he keeps it on him at all times, does everything in his power to make sure it doesn't go missing. Yes, the hat is part of a promise they made, but that's the whole point. That gift from Shanks inspired luffy and continues to inspire luffy. Another example is the water he receives from Toto in Alabasta. It's an important gift, something the old man worked hard to get, so to Luffy he knows and understands the effort and meaning behind it and for that he treats it carefully. That is why I believe Luffy would adore sentimental gifts like that from his significant other. It shows the thought, the energy, and the care you have for him. It's a great way to show him your love. Also, if he were to receive meat as a gift.... well lmao we already know how that would go down.
• What he gives:
There's not really any need to explain this, but Lufy gives acts of service. Luffy is for the most part, pretty selfless. He constantly helps people he just met, for absolutely nothing in return. Sometimes they don't even say anything, he just already acts. This would be how he expresses his love for you. He'd randomly share his food with you (this would be a big one), he'd ask what you want or need done and as soon as you tell him he'd go off and do it. That's just how he is.
Zoro:
• What he needs/responds best to:
Zoro is very focused on his goals. He has his daily routine - sleep, train, eat, train, drink, train, repeat. Training is such a significant part of Zoros life, it's almost nonnegotiable. We've seen him train immediately after incurring an injury, without rest or recovery. Therefore, quality time would be very important for Zoro. In particular, I think Zoro would feel most love and cared for with a partner who understands his desire and need to constantly train, and rather than telling him to stop and spend time together, they join him in his training sessions. For Zoro that is quality time. The same can be said with the other points in his routine. A significant other who spends quality time with him through drinking, eating, sleeping and training would make him feel so understood and⅕ loved. I feel like acts of service kind of go hand-in-hand with quality time for Zoro. You know Zoros routine, what he does, and so doing little things throughout the day to make it easier for him to stick to that routine and maximize his energy for training, I believe, is a good way to make the swordsman feel loved. Preparing his favourite drink (if you are on the ship, or buying his favourite drink the next time you are on land), offering him a sparring buddy. Those sorts of acts of service will really make him feel appreciated.
• What he gives:
Zoro is more of a doer rather than a talker, and while he may be an idiot (especially with directions), hes not stupid. He has a good sense of the needs and states of his crew members. Because of this, Zoros love language is most definitely acts of service, he would view the situation, gauge your current state and act accordingly without being told what you needed. He'd just know.
Sanji:
• What he needs/responds best to:
To be fair Sanji would probably respond well to any of the types of love languages LMAO, but, I personally think he'd respond best to physical touch and quality time. Sanji is a SIIIIIMP (I love the man, bless his horny little heart). Anytime a woman is even in the vicinity he gets a nosebleed and gets all love-crazy. Imagine what hes like when a girl actually touches him. Actually... we see what hes like in Dressrosa with Violet. He blushes, swoons and everything in between when she holds his hand or touches him. So making physical affection towards Sanji is definitely the best way to show him you love him. Also, I believe quality time would be a big one for Sanji. Going with him to get the groceries for the ship, spending time with while he cooks. Showing interest in his passion would without a doubt make Sanji feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He loves cooking for others, so to have his partner reciprocate that interest and share that passion with him would mean the world to the chef.
• What he gives
Like Luffy, the love languages Sanji gives are pretty self explanatory. Sanji would show his love through acts of service and words of affirmation. We already see him do this to an extent throughout the series for Nami and Robin. Sanji will make your favourite meal, your favourite drink, anything you want. He is extremely chivalrous amd takes pride in treating women correctly, so you best believe he will do everything for you so you dont have to lift a finger. He would also compliment you daily, encourage you and listen to whatever you have to say. We've seen him do this numerous times. He loves to let women know how beautiful, strong, and amazing they are.
Usopp:
• What he needs/responds best to:
This guys is so anxious and insecure. He constantly fixates on how he's weak and unworthy to be a member of the Straw Hats. It's likely that these thoughts and feelings would manifest in a relationship with him too. Therefore, Usopp is a person in desperate need of words of affirmation. He would absolutely thrive if you were to encourage, reassure and compliment him. Remind him that he is in fact a brave warrior of the sea, one you admire very much. I also just can't stop thinking that Usopp would respond really well to quality time with his partner. If his partner would just sit and listen intently to his stories (some true, some exaggerated and some entirely false) regardless if they've heard them before or not. It would make him feel so appreciated.
• What he gives:
There's not a doubt in my mind that Sogeking would show his love through words of affirmation and quality time. He knows how it feels to be anxious and insecure. To ensure you dint ever feel that way he would be constantly complimenting you, speaking words of encouragement and listening to whatever doubts you had and then instantly reminding you that you are in fact bad af and should never doubt yourself. Again, Usopp would spent so much quality time with you telling you an assortment of stories to make you smile, cry, and laugh.
Nami:
• What she needs/responds best to:
Is it a surprise that the beautiful navigator would respond best to receiving gifts? No, not at all. She's known for her love of treasure and money, AND, she epreally enjoys shopping any chance she gets. So, it's safe to say any sort of gift is a great way to make Nami feel loved. But, she wouldn't just appreciate big expensive, or really materialistic gifts, she would also respond really well to small, sentimental gifts too. She was gifted a bracelet from her sister (we see the flashback scene in Strong World). Its a really important and precious gift to her, that she wears at all times. So, receiving a gift of any kind would mean the world to Nami.
• What she gives:
Giving gifts would be Namis main love language. She's in charge of all the finances and treasure in the Straw Hats, so we see how cautious she can be with money. Therefore, if Nami were to use that treasure for a gift for her significant other, it's a really big sign, it's a giant communication of love! There is no way in hell she'd do that for just anyone. This is actually shown in the Sabaody Archipelago arc when Camie is being auctioned off and Nami says that they can use all their treasure and money to try and get her back. If Nami truly cares for someone, she'll show it through gift giving.
Chopper:
• What he needs/responds best to:
Again, Choppers is relatively self explanatory. This boy thrives when he receives compliments of any kind. So, words of affirmation are undoubtedly the love language he responds best to. There's really not much else to say about it.
• What he gives
Chopper really enjoys spending time with the crew, he's been shown to enjoy playing games with Robin, fishing off the Sunny, and goofing off with Luffy and Usoop. So, quality time is the primary way Chopper shows his love. He enjoys spending time doing anything with those he cares about, so his significant other would be no different.
Robin:
• What she needs/responds best to:
Robin has had a rough life, she may not have always been alone, but she really was alone for most of her life. She couldn't trust anyone, could 't get close to anyone, but now that she's found that person, spending quality time with them is going to be very important for her. She would really need her significant other to just be near her, even if it's in silence while she's studying, or allowing her to talk about her research. As long as the person she loves spends some quality time with her, Robin will be happy.
• What she gives
She's the intellectual of the crew. She can read people and is really good with her words. That's why I think words of affirmation are what she'll give to her partner. We've seen her calm down, reassure, and encourage some if the anxious bunch on the crew, so there's no doubt that she always knows the right thing to say.
Franky
• What he needs/responds best to:
I believe words of affirmation to be the love language Franky responds the best to. Being told how cool, strong, creative, and super he is would do wonders. You can actually see this in the way he responds to Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper's reactions to all his creations. When they go on and on spouting compliments, with every "oooh" and "ahhh" Franky gets motivated, more lively, it makes him feel great. So it stand to reason that words of affirmation is the best love language for Franky.
• What he gives
Franky is very hands on. He is a shipwright afterall. This cyborg undoubtedly shows love through acts of service. He'll make and do anything you need him to, sometimes even anticipating your future needs and having things prepared in advance. I also be,ieve receiving gifts goes hand-in-hand with Franky. He'd use his creative mind and skills to make you some outrageously super gift that you can use in battle alongside him.
Brook
• What he needs/responds best to
This poor guy spent most of his life alone, having lost all of his crew. So, Brook would require both quality time and physical touch. Physical touch would be a great reassurance, little touches here and there - physical affection - is a reminder to him that he is no longer alone. The same can be said about quality time. Doing anything in the presence of his partner is soothing to him, it removes any lingering reminders of loneliness.
• What he gives
Brook hands down shows love through acts of service. This man would learn all of your favourite songs and play them for you when he senses you're feeling a little off. That's just what he does. He's been shown to do that with the crew already, if it's too quiet, a lot of tension, or he feels the situation calls for it, he cracks a joke or plays some music for the crew. He would do the exact same for you.
Jinbei
• What he needs/responds best to:
Not gonna lie, i dont know if I have he greatest grasp on Jinbei as a character yet, so I'm not 100% sure what love language he would respond best to. However, I am leaning more towards acts of service. I just feel as though there's no better way to make Jinbei feel loved other than going out of your way to alleviate the stress in his life, even if that means talking sense into the straw hats so he doesn't have to (LMAOOOOO).
• What he gives
Like Robin, I believe Jinbei to be really good with his words making words of affirmation to be a love language he uses. He's been seen a few times trying to talk sense into Luffy, and because of this, I feel as though he'd be really good at encouraging, complimenting, and empathizing with his partner. Also, Jinbei is good at analyzing a situation, seeing what needs to be done and then doing it. It happened many times in Marineford (and I think in whole cake island). Acts of service is likely to be another love language he would use for his significant other.
#one piece#straw hats#straw hat pirates#mugiwara no luffy#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke sanji#cat burglar nami#god usopp#tony tony chopper#nico robin#cyborg franky#soul king brook#jinbei#love languages#one piece headcanons
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some things that have happened lately:
1) new girl came in and was told to change her leggings bc they didn't fit dress code (have to be in your weight range ti have legging privileges). proceeded to then say "oh so are the weight ranges ridiculous or something?" I know what she probably meant and what i heard are very different things but all I can think is that I now look ridiculously fat. am pissed that I still associate being fat with being bad despite all my work with dismanteling my internal fatphobia. feel guilty. remember I have an eating disorder. feel guilty anyway because that's no excuse to be fatphobic. am now feeling guilty and struggling with awful body image.
2) my legs touch again when I walk and I am so uncomfortable with it it makes me want to cry. again get frustrated and guilty for the aforementioned reasons.
3) am convinced I have hit the top end of my weight range despite and that clothes feel different on me while also knowing full well that my weight has been stable at the lower end for a while now. am now paranoid that they have a higher weight range for me ip than op.
4) very much am looking forward to discharging bc last time I left I very quickly dropped in weight unintentionally and am hoping it will happen again. realize that this is a major red flag. dont know what to do about it.
5) currently about 3 seconds away from tears because my body image is so bad and I want to restrict so badly but am also pissed because I do not want this for myself any longer amd I had all this determination in me to do this and it was getting easier and now I feel I have taken a few steps back because of that one comment and I am trying to listen to my own advice but somehow that just pisses me off even more because it both fits and doesn't fit all at once and maybe part of me does just want to cry and give in but that isn't a choice any more because I am supposed to be ready to leave here
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Fallout 2 For Intel Mac
Nexuiz for Mac OS v.2.5.2 A fast paced 3d deathmatch game project created online by a team of developers called Alientrap. It is available for download for Windows, Mac. Forums: Index Fallout and Fallout 2 general discussion Fallout 2 on Mac OS 10.6.2? Hello, all, I have a MacBook Pro, 2.33 GHz Cure 2 Duo, running OS 10.6.2. I have in my hands a factory-sealed copy of the Mac version of Fallout 2. I'd like to play it. I've heard that Snow Leopard will not. Fallout 2: A Post Nuclear Role Playing Game is a turn-based role-playing open world video game developed by Black Isle Studios and published by Interplay Productions in October 1998. While featuring a considerably larger game world and a far more extensive storyline, it mostly uses similar graphics and game mechanics to those of Fallout. The game's story takes place in 2241, 80 years after. OldVersion.com provides free. software downloads for old versions of programs, drivers and games. So why not downgrade to the version you love? Because newer is not always bett. I have heard about Parallels and Bootcamp but dont know which one is better/ how to even go about using them. Also there's the issue if my Mac can even handle it, since its a bit old in the computer world. My specs: Currently on OS X Yosemite. Macbook Pro 13in, Mid 2012. 2.9GHz/ intel core i7. 8Gb 1600 MHz DDR3. Intel HD Graphics 4000 1024MB.
Apple’s first-ever virtual Worldwide Developer Conference (WWDC) came with the usual slew of mostly predictable announcements, like upgrades to the iPhone and iPad operating systems, new features for its AirPod earbuds, and more. But its most striking news was a decision to shift from powering its Mac devices with Intel processors in favor of its own homemade chip, which it’s calling “Apple silicon.”
The Cupertino, Calif. tech giant claims the move will bring myriad benefits: it will make Macs faster, let them benefit from the company’s latest machine learning technology (for features like augmented reality, photo processing, facial recognition and more), and make it easier for developers to bring popular apps from the iPhone and the iPad to desktops and laptops. The transition to Apple silicon will take about two years; more Intel-powered Macs are yet to come.
Apple silicon differs from Intel’s processors by virtue of their architecture, which determines how a computer executes tasks. Apple is using ARM technology, which boasts faster performance with less power use compared to the architecture used by Intel (and its rival AMD). Generally, ARM processors make sense for devices like phones and tablets (because ARM chips use less battery power), while Intel and AMD’s chips have made more sense for high-performance desktops and laptops (where battery usage is less of a concern).
While the move may seem like a major blow to Intel—a longtime processor giant whose “Intel Inside” motto was once ubiquitous in computer stores—the company has already been moving away from making chips for companies like Apple, focusing instead on autonomous vehicle hardware, AI analytics, and high-margin, high-end processors for entertainment and gaming PCs.
“They recognize the challenges that are inherent in the client businesses these days and while they’re not going anywhere, they’re certainly trying to diversify themselves away from that,” says NPD Group analyst Stephen Baker. The Apple news, he says, is “not great, but in the long run I don’t think it’ll have an incredible impact on Intel.”
To be sure, Intel faces some headwinds. It still leads in market share, but it has consistently lost ground in the consumer market month after month to rival AMD (AMD’s share of the desktop market jump from 12% to 18% in the past two years, according to Mercury Research). Intel has also struggled to gain ground in the mobile world—it sold its ARM processor subsidiary in 2005, it killed off a pair of experimental augmented reality glasses in 2018, and last year stopped making 5G smartphone modems in favor of focusing on 5G infrastructure.
Fallout 2 For Intel Macbook
Perhaps Intel’s biggest struggle—and a reason it lost favor with Apple—is a never-ending battle with the laws of physics. Processors are composed of billions of transistors that perform calculations by turning on and off. The larger the transistor (measured in nanometers, or “nm”), the more power it uses. By using smaller transistors, you can fit more of them on a processor, which means more computing power, but also more energy efficiency. All told, the size of a processor’s transistors is a good indicator of how powerful that processor will be.
For most of modern computing history, chipmakers like Intel have been able to rely on “Moore’s law”—an observation that the number of transistors you can fit on a single chip doubles about every two years, thanks mostly to technological improvements. But, space being a finite thing, it’s getting harder and harder to cram transistors onto processors. As of today, Intel can make 10 nm processors, but even that achievement came after significant delays that put it behind the curve. By comparison, Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company, which makes mobile chips designed by Apple, has released smaller, more efficient 7 nm processors for mobile devices.
Intel’s delay in introducing 10 nm processors may have contributed to Apple’s decision to go their own way. “Having their own microprocessor architecture is something they’ve wanted to do since the Jobs era, for sure, to not be beholden to an outside partner,” says Jon Stokes, author of Inside the Machine: An Illustrated Introduction to Microprocessors and Computer Architecture, and co-founder of technology site Ars Technica. “I think the tipping point was when ARM started to catch up to Intel in … performance, and Intel stalled in processor leadership.”
Still, Intel is doing fine when it comes to powering other companies’ laptops, along with its other projects in AI and autonomous vehicle sensors. Its PC-centric business (providing processors for consumers’ desktops and laptops) grew by 14% year-over-year in the first quarter of 2020 as people bought new devices to work from home in the COVID-19 era. But in a sign of the company’s evolution, its best performing sector has been its data center group, which boosted revenue by 23% year-over-year thanks to an increase in cloud services.
Fallout 2 For Intel Macbook Pro
What should the everyday Apple user make of the switch from Intel? It may end up being something to celebrate: Apple has a good track record of designing chips; the processor in the iPhone has outperformed Intel-powered laptops at certain tasks. Furthermore, the company is bringing popular third-party developers like Adobe on board early in the process, which should ensure that Apple silicon-powered Macs have plenty of useful software from jump (avoiding a critical misstep Microsoft made when releasing an ARM-powered Surface). That Macs armed with ARM will be instantly compatible with millions of existing iPhone and iPad apps is another nice bonus. And if Apple’s making Macs with iPhone-like internals, it’s not much of a stretch to imagine features like integrated LTE or 5G wireless connectivity, Face ID, and other mobile-only goodies come to its desktops and laptops. All told, Apple betting on itself might be the best decision the company has made since, well, betting on Intel.
Fallout 2 For Intel Mac Os
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Fallout 2 For Intel Macbook Air
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